Back from Genting, School Reopening, Troubled Life.

My life is in a mess right now. Yea majorly due to my family.
You know sometimes, it's very normal to think for yourself. You just have those thoughts of having your precious and most important people to be around you loving each other in harmony. But things didn't turn out that way and so, you will have to make a sacrifice. You can choose not to, or maybe try forcing things out. But even so, it's definitely not gonna have a favourable outcome. That's when you start to think not only for yourself, your own happiness and you having your love ones together only for your sake. But, begin to think for their happiness instead. Selfish is a very natural act as I always felt there was a need to keep my only pillar of hope going on with me. Maybe I should just be more considerate for the people around me. To be frank, it is extremely tough for me to face reality, especially when I'm alone and friendships are oftenly like passing clouds. I've got nothing more important than them since I was borned. But some things just have to change for certain reasons. I feel terrible inside me. For many years... Since I was 6. But wut can I do. Seriously, I can't do much. There's already hell lot for me to face just by absorbing, accepting and adapting to the many such possible outcomes. I guess it is just a matter of time. I've been always trying to mend things not by resolving them, but by escaping them. I was too afraid to face the truth. I prayed and tried my best to turn fate in the opposite direction, like I was god. I really need to wake up. Or everybody else will be suffering and the hurt will be deeper in time to come. It already affected me till this far. Why not a little more and solve it. By hook or by crook make fear disappear from my life and the depression within me vanish into thin air. Can someone just appear in my life to guide me. Seriously, I've hardly anybody to seek help and guidance from.
I'm lost.
Care and concern?
How would somebody offer such kindness when I'm already having limitations to the people I can look for.

I should proceed to bed. Sleep deprived as always.
Anyway, Casino was boring.
Smoke never failed to find its way through my nostrils each time I get in.

Going out tomorrow.
Hopefully it will brighten up my day somehow.

I don't want to get back to school. Especially now. When my mood is all screwed up.
& to add on, there is still unfinished business.

I need to take an immediate break from all these and stay trouble free.
I randomly need a flight to Paris.
Sigh.