Still, Happy Birthday Dad.

Sometimes it keeps me pondering.
Am I just a fool.
Whn I'm nt a gd girl. Days cn be spent reprimanding on my mistakes.
Whn I did smth wrong. It takes me alot t repent & prove t everyone, I've changed.
Whn I'm improving & mended my wrongs, nobody seems t care.
Whn I'm trying my best t help th ppl ard me.
Who's there t see hw much effort I put in?
Whn I'm suffering alone. I guess I'm th only one who knws.
Whn I'm troubled. Was there anybody who understood hw I felt.
Friend or Foe. Is there anybody out there t see all I've done.
All these years. Living a life of full comfort & protection.
Have anybody wondered hw hard was it for me t accept th sudden revolution in my life. Hw much time I took t convince myself tht I could adapt t wut I'm gonna face in time t come. & Whn my life is changing tremendously, I tried my best t make it look right. I tried my best t do my part as a child, friend, etc. But it always end up t no avail & nt th slightest bit of gd karma in return. No matter wut happen t me. Whether I met difficulties in my education, my friendships, my everything. I loved my parents th most. Thts all I know. &Many of th ppl ard me knew tht I & my family is currently facing financial situations. I never once stopped worrying for my parents. & My Dad especially. I knew tht stress & pressure was on him wherever he goes, wuteva he does, all these time. But I've always tried my best t be considerate. I'm human. Having flaws were common. & So I reflect alot upon myself. Recent times, spending within my own limits, cutting down so much compared t hw i used t spend money during my younger days whn I was loaded with lavish materials & everything I wanted. Being a loner myself during primary days wasn't tht great either. After being opened as I took another step up in my life t attempt another new learning environment. I was new t everything. Naive I was as always. Years it took me t understand many little things in life. Whether was it part & parcel of growing up, whatsoever, one thing I knew. I always cared for my family. Though I knw my childhood wasn't tht joyful. I always wished for my family t be a nice, warm, loving & peaceful family living in harmony. Was it something too perfect t ask for? Many things I had in life, I'd admit. But wut I wished for most was nt granted. Yes, it was hard for me. Gone through alot. Hurt me as a young girl, gt me depression whn i was barely 10yrs old. Became a laughing stock. Life was full of ups & downs for me. Whn cn it come t a stop. Hw true cn fortune tellers be. Everything in my mind flashes everything I wished for. Why wishes don't come true. I really don't knw. Do I deserve all these? Maybe I do, maybe I wasn't even meant t be a happy child frm th start. I hope tht I cn do my best as a child. & Even th whole world is blind. I could just silently give my best & my whole support t salvage th situation nw. Who knws whn I'm tearing. Anybody who would understand wut my almost vulnerable heart is all abt, especially this path, this journey of life, I was tasked t accomplish since birth. I could stand strong. & there I stood. Even whn I was alr at the verge of breaking down.... It was Dad's birthday on 14th March. Happy Birthday Dad. I've been saving up money t treat my family for a movie. I had hardly any income since prelims last yr. I tried my best t shove off your burden. Cut down on my expenses. Still using my own bits of money t spend on my daily expenses. Saving & spending money wasn't just as easy as it was once before. I had t think on hw I spend my money wisely. I'm sorry today, back thn I thought u would enjoy my plans. As u had nt watched any movies for the past 6 years or so. Disappointed u, I apologise. But I never intended t force anybody. I just wished u could voice out ure opinions more so I could understand u & try t make u happier at least once with my own effort. Career was occupying majority of your time whn I was young. I'm sorry tht probably I failed t understand u as much as hw other kids do t their fathers. But I'm trying my best. Your words did hurt me today. Though u gone through many hardships, it was nt easy for me either. & It was my first time suggesting smth new with my own savings whn I decided t do smth for u even with th scant amt I had in my piggy bank. My doings weren't appreciated & worst, I was hurt by your words. I'm in fact speechless. After all, I guess I was just comforting myself all th way. There's no point in wuteva I do. Sacrifice, does it come with logic? I don't think so. Maybe worst, whn nobody understands nor appreciates u. I was always th one at fault ain't I. As long I made anybody unhappy. Doesn't matter was it my family, friends or anybody. Who's there? God? Hah. My prayers just weren't fated t be granted.

Sorry, forgive me.
I'm nt good enough a daughter.

Hope things get better for our family.
Love you.